No-one heard me scream

I was happily minding my own business the other day when all of a sudden...


*ring ring*


"KB Here"


"fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffttttttttttttttttttttt"


"Ummm...Hello? You got the KB on Line 1, how can I help you?"


"fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffttttttttttttttttttttt"


"I'm hanging up now...."



"Hello. Hello. Begin Transmission. Is this...Krankiboy?"


"Yeah man" (I was stoned see) "Who is this?"


"Kranki. This is Steve Austin."


"Coooool! You mean the Pro Wrestler? I love you man!"



"No you fool. I mean STEVE. AUSTIN. You know...SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN?"


"Coooool! Six Million Dollars! Hey...errr...I've been trying to get to Australia but things are a bit tight you know? Maybe you could find your way to..."


"Shut up"


"Ok. Just asking. Sheesh! So Sixey, what's the lowwwww down? What the happs? Gimme the 411 big Stevey A"


"Shut up"


"........"


"Good. Now listen Kranki, I have an important mission for you. The fate of the Earth hangs in the balance. Either you accept this mission, or...well I guess we COULD find someone else, but you know, I've been reading your blog for a while now, I found you from your comments on Greg The Boyfriend's blog. Can you believe he's stopped posting? Bummer! Anyway...I thought it would be kind of cool for you to save the Earth. Are you in?"


"Hey what man? Sorry I was nodding off there for a minute. Damn good Pot chief!"


"I said, DO you want, to SAVE the WORLD?


"hehehehehe"


"This is not a joke Krankiboy. I'm deadly serious."


"hehehehehe"


"Stop that."


".......................................................hehehehehe"


"There'll be....lezzzzzzzzbiaaaaaans...."


"When do I start?"


"Immediately. Now listen very closely. I want you to close your eyes, put the phone in your mouth and stand on your left leg."


"hehehehehe"


"THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER. DO IT. DO IT NOW"


"hehehehehe...Okay okay...I'm doing it. Geez, for a guy with Six Million Dollars, you're pretty uptight."



I followed Steve's instructions. All of a sudden...I began to feel very strange.





Something was happening to me. I was starting to feel...woooozy.


"Hey err..Steve? Steve I don't feel so crash hot man..."


"fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffttttttttttttttttttttt"


"Steve I don't feel so..........."



I blacked out.





When I woke up, I felt different.




Lighter.



I looked around. Where the hell was I?????






*ring ring*
(Luckily I had my mobile phone)





"Errr....Yello?"



"Hello Kranki, it's me Wonder Woman, I'll just get Steve for you..."


"Ummm sure, ok."


"Hello Kranki, I see you made it ok. Good. Now, look behind you, can you see a Mountain range off in the distance?"


"Yeah Six, I see it. You want to me to go there? You shitting me man? That shit miles away!"



"Don't be a pussy Kranki"


"Wonder Woman, get off the phone, this is Top Secret. Damn second phone line."

*click*


"Okay, she's gone. Bitch can be real pain the arse sometimes you know?


"Yeah I here ya man."


"I mean, I try and do the nice things, do the dishes, bring her flowers but, I just can't seem to do anything right sometimes. I don't know...Do you think...Do you think...Maybe I'm just not that good in bed?"


"Errr...Steve?"


"Yeah?"


"Dude, I'm kind of like ON THE FREAKING MOON HERE YOU KNOW?"


"Oh yeah, right. Sorry. Okay Kranki, I need you to walk to that distant Mountain Range. I know it's a long way away, but it's VERY IMPORTANT."


"Fine. I'll call you when I get there."




Goddamn saving the world...



I started walking.







































































































Eventually, I made it to the top of the highest mountain. I dialled Steve.




"Hello?"


"Hey Wonder Woman, it's me Kranki, can you put Steve on?"



"STEEEEEEEEVE! It's your little pussy friend Kranki. Oooooh loverssssss."


"........"


"Kranki? Are you there? Did you make it to the mountain range?"


"Yeah man, I'm here. I'M KING OF THE WORLD! Sorry...couldn't resist."


"That's okay, crap movie though."


"Yeah..."


"Okay Kranki...this is it. This is very important. Can you see the Earth from where you're standing?"





"Can I? She's...beautiful Steve. Just beautiful."


"Good. Now Kranki...look very closely...very, very closely...Can you see The Great Wall of China? CAN YOU SEE IT?"


"I'm looking dude, I'm looking..."


"TELL ME! TELL ME!"


"Nope. I can see China. I was pretty good at Geography in High School, but I'm telling you straight up Steve. I cannot see the Great Wall."


"Okay, hang on one second...I've got to make a call."


"........"



"Muscle Mike Menzter here..."


"Mike, it's Steve."



"Heeeey man! What's up? Damn hungover this morning...who'd have ever thought Wonder Woman was into spitro..."


"Dude, I've got Kranki on the line too..."



'Oh...yeah...Hey Kranki!"


"Hello Muscle Mike."


"Mike, Kranki is on THE MOON."



"Oh......yeah?"


"Yeah. Tell him Kranki, tell him what you told me."


"Sure whatever, I can't see the Great Wall of China from here."


"You SEE! YOU SEE! I TOLD YOU MIKEY BOY! You owe me twenty bucks baby!"




"........."


"AHAHAHAHAHAHA, all brawn no brain baby. Time to pay the ferryman."



"Fine. I'll bring it over tonight."

*click*


"What a chump. Anyway, thanks Kranki, catch you around sometime. See ya."

*click*


"Ummm...guys?"



"fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffttttttttttttttttttttt"


"Ummm...guys?"




I've really got to stop answering my phone.