Dog Day Afternoon

It was early in the morning...



*ring ring*




".....yeah? Sherriff here, what do you want?"


"Grrrrrrrr"


"Hello?"


"Grrrrrrrr"


"Look dude, it's motherfucking 5 in the morning...who is this?"


"Grrrrrrrr"


"Fuck you, I'm hanging up"




*click*




A couple of hours later, I was making breakfast when...




*ring ring*





"Hello?"


"Grrrrrrrr"


"Oh man, who is this?"


"Grrrrrrrr"


"Look, you called me at who knows what hour this morning, whatdafuckgoingon man?"


"Grrrrrrrr"


"Grrrrrrrrr"


"GRRRRRRRR"


"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"


"AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"


"Hmmmm"


"Herro?"


"Yo, who is this"


"Hey man, it's me Scampy."


"Hey Scampy. Listen dawg, what the fuck is with your friends man, they keep ringing me up at all hours of the night, and all they say is Grrrrrrrrr!"


"Yeah, sorry about that dude, bitches be on heat you know?"


"Well sheee-it negro, that's all you had to say! So...what can I do for you brother?"


"Listen man, I gots a problem, I gots a problem you know? I think you might be able to help me..."


"This isn't gonna be like last time is it? I told you man, only motherfucking bone you getting out of me is..."


"NO NO NO...Nothing like that champ. Look, I was lonely then okay? Five years is a long time in a relationship, especially with a bitch like that, you hear what I'm sayin?"


"Yeah I hear ya...AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


"Hehehehehe"


"Hehehehehehe"


"Anyways, there's a big brawl going down tonight behind the Old Barn. We need all the help we can get. You in?"


"Oh maaaaan...tonight? I..."


*ring ring*

"Shit man, that's my other phone, hang on a second..."


"Hello?"


"Jesus christ, help me...some guy with a sniper rifle is trying to kill me. He won't let me off the phone..."


"Hey Col, whaddup man? Motherfucker you should read some scripts before you go off doing some whack ass shit like Alexander man..."


"Man, I ain't kidding...some crazy fucker keeps shooting at me man, says he'll kill me if I hang up the phone!"


"Yeah, you crazy man...see ya!"


"NOOOOO....."



*click*




"Scampy you there?"



"grrrrrrrrrr"


"Errr...Scampy?"



"grrrrrrrrrr"


"Oh maaan, what the fuck y'all doin over there?"



"grrrrrrrrrr"


*sigh*




*ring ring*





"Yello?"



"Sherriff, where my Scampy, you know where my Scampy is? Don't you go lying to me boy...I KNOW you know where he's at. When I catch that sucker, he's gonna regret ever cross breeding with this lil ole bitch. I give HIM the motherfucking DOG house you hear me?"


"Oh, hey Matilda...errr...hang on a second, I've just got someone on the other line..."

"Scampy...Scampy you ribald motherfucker, get your ass on the line, it's Matilda man She's tongueing for a blue yo!"



"grrrrrrrrrr"


"Shit"


[In dog voice] " Herro Matilda, I've been having a nice time with Sherriff. I be home soon enough deary"



"......."


[In dog voice] "yep just me and Sherriff, chewing the fat..."



"grrrrrrrrrr"



"WHAT WAS THAT? THAT'S YOU SCAMPY I KNOW IT'S YOU, BOY WHEN I CATCH YOU I'M GONNA POUND YOUR ASS SO GOOD!"



"grrrrrrrrrr"



*ring ring*




"Yeah?"



"Yo...it's me. Whatcha doon?"


"Heyyyyy! Good to hear from you. Man I could sure go some pussy right now..."



"Well how does pussy and a beer in front of the Telo-Vision sound honey?"


"I see you soon baby."




*click*