Did I ASK You To Call Me Up?

*ring*

*ring*

Be the sale. BE the sale.




*ring*

*ring*

Come on. Pick up.




Yes?




Oh, great! I'm calling to in form you of a valuable service...





Did I ASK you to call me up?
Wait, what's that on my left voluptuous-ness?
It itches real bad... ah, now it's stuck up in my nail!




Umm...
I don't know, and I'm sorry for your discomfort, but there's a fantastic opportunity that I'd like to inform you about!






I don't NEED your fantastic...
I got enough fantastic of my own.
Damn, I'm feelin' a bit...




*rustle*




*thud*











That's better!
My fantastics got a whole lotta weight to 'em, if you know what I mean...








No, I don't know what you mean.








Mmmm... hmmmm......






What's that supposed to mean?






In any case...






Hold up there, did you just "in any case me"? Girl... you'd better...







Umm... no, I ummm.... said.... errr.... You have a pretty face?








How do you know that?
Are you some kinda lesbo snatch catcher?
I'm tired of all ya'll honky bitches trying to rub all up on my fantastics...
These is MAN catchers, not hippie feeders, yo.







I'm not a hippie!
Wait, I'm not gay either...!






MMmmmm..... HHHHmmmm....






Stop doing that, and no really... I'm not!

Well, there was that one time, at Melanea's Dirty Dancing slumber party...
You know that movie right?

"Nobody puts baby in a corner..."
Well, baby got cornered that night...
but I was REALLY drunk.... and...

Hey, but this is not why I'm calling you today.

*deep breath*

I'm calling to inform you about the once in a lifetime opportunity to receive...







He he he... Mmmmm....hmmmm......


Wait, hold up.

I've gotta...


*thwap*


*pant*





*smack*







Phew, that's better.
I tell you, these man catchers be fine and all that but they takes A LOT of work!
No foolin'.







What are man catchers?








Listen up hippie, if I gotta tell you what catches a man then you don't need to know.
It's on a strictly NEED TO KNOW basis only.
Yep that's right, so go do your little goddess dancin' or whatever it is that you snatchy hippie chicks do with each other under a full moon, 'cause I don't want none of it.

I was raised GOD FEARIN' and god don't like hippies!

mmmm....

Whatever I gots up in this nail is awfully....








Alright, so, I think we've wandered off a bit...
Time Life is offering you the chance to...







I'd say so, now, what's with you all gettin' up on my fantastics like that?
I'm not gonna take it!
IT'S harassment.
THAT'S what it is!
Harassment!

Let me talk to yo' supervisor...
Now!







FINE!!!!

Here....!


Phil... it's for you...






Yes, I'm the evening shift supervisor.
How can I be of assistance?









Ooooohhh...
So, you're a manager?
That's a real powerful position iddn't it?







Yes ma'am it is.
How can I help you?









Well, yeah...
This here little bull dyke hippie you got working for you has been trying to touch up on my bobblies!






Over the phone?


Is that even possible?

And..hehehe... she's not so little... hehehe.







Well now, don't you snip at me...

She IMPLIED it.

And I tell you... if I were trying to run a comp'ny...
I wouldn't allow some fugly assed hippie to...






Huh? What do you mean I'm not little?
Shit, my ass IS huge!
Why didn't anyone ever tell me?

*sobbing*





Well, if you'd only watch your grazing in the employee lounge...








Those petunias add on the saddle bags....

*whinny*

*snort*

hehehehehe





You know I can't help that!


*sobbing*


Wait, did you just make horsey noises at me? You little....









Girl, get a hold of yo' self.
I can'ts stand me no whiny honkies!
Damn, this nail is almost as tasty as one of my fantastics...!
Hmmm, that gots me thinking...


hmmm....


I wonder....

let me just move...

Let me put yo' ass on speaker phone, as I gots my hands filled... hehehe


What's this now?
Heeeyyy, hello there ladies!





Hi... We've been waiting for you....










I wondered why my finger tasted like... hehehehee.... shuga.






I hate to interrupt... but did you just say sugar?
I hope that you are not talking about PROCESSED sugar...
That stuff's poison for your body!





What?
Who in the good god damn, sorry Lord, is this?
Are you another damn dirty hippie?
Sheeit!




Can we focus please.
What can we do to make things better for you?



Well, I could use a job.





Deal.
Uni, you're FIRED!




What?
I have a motherfucking PhD in Clinical Psychology!
You can't fire me!
I quit!


Dirty naked hippies!
Ratty bosses!
Crazy ass callers!


Screw you all!


*canters off*




Wow. So much negativity.
I can already feel the energy returning now that she's gone!
Blessed Gia and her restorative powers!
Why, it reminds me of when I was solo survivalist camping out in Devil's Crotch Canyon when this lone wolf...



Devil's Crotch, eh? I've been there... hehehe




Eww... gross....



I'll show you gross... now where's a reflective surface when you need one?




You're just intimidated by my natural beauty...



No, I'm just freaked out by your excessive body odor!






Phil...
Mingy is damaging my self esteem!
Come make him stop!




Stop it you guys!
Be professionals!

Now, what was this about you wanting a job?
When can you start?




Not until I'm done with my friends here.
Hows about tomorrow?



Yippie!




Great! Tomorrow it is... Miss.... sorry, what's your name again?



SHANIQUA, fool!



Shh... girls! Be polite like to my new boss man!



Okay, Shanandra come on over tomorrow and we'll see where we can place you... or put you...
I mean, in the office...
um... yeah, gotta go.

*click*



Crazy cracka. See if I don't gets me a RAISE before long... hehehe



*giggle*

*giggle*




Now, girls, get up on over here...
mmmm....

snack time.





*shreak*

*giggles*





*cut to the office*




Mingly, come and pay attention to me!
Do you think we have them fooled?
You know, what with the fake fighting and all?




Sheet girl!
Let me finish up this call.
Yeah, yeah, we've fooled 'em.

Ahem, sorry about that Sir... now can I sign you up for the....

*click*


Fucking punter!
Hanging up on the Mingler!





Ah, baby.
It's alright.
You'll make a sale eventually.




Don't fucking patronize me woman!



Don't be verbally aggressive with me!

*sniffles*





Baby, sugar, honey... I'm sorry!
No, don't cry.
I can't take it....




*sobbing*

You don't love me...
You only pretend!

*waaahhhh*




That's not true!
You know I love you!

What more do I gotta do to prove it?






Well, we could do that one thing... you know...



No, no... not that!
You know I'm claustrophobic...
Please anything but that!





Obviously YOU JUST DON'T LOVE ME!

*WWaaaaHHH*





Alright!
Sheeit I'll do it... but not for long!

Dammit...
It's sooo.....

eerrrr.....

*gagging*





oohhhh....
baby...




I'm done!
Let me out!




Just a little bit longer...
Please?
uummmm....




No!
I want out NOW!



*sigh*

Fine.
There you go.
You're out, you big baby!



*shuddering*

God, the dank horror of it all!
Madre de Dios!
What have I become....?




What the...!
What's going on here?
Why I never!
I'm at a loss for words!
The absolute inappropriateness of it all....
I outta....





Umm... we'll be going now.
Come on honey.



Don't honey me.
I feel so....

DIRTY...

BLEH...




Yeah, well...
I'll see you sick fucks tomorrow.
For shame!


And turn off the damn lights when you leave this time.
I'm not putting the electric company's debutante kids through prep school here!




Are they gone?



*looks around*


hehehehe

suckas....



*turns off security camera*






Hippies really are DIRTY!



heehehehehehehehehhehheheheeeeheheeeeee!






*FROM DEEP OUT IN SPACE*




Ah, it's over all ready?
heheehe... stupid, stupid, dirty hoors!


What else is on?
Let's check Sherriff's house....
Golden!

You get the popcorn.
This is gonna be good.

Move over!
You're hogging the seat you Ass Invader.




Sheeit, shut yo' mouth fool.
I head that Shaniqua is going to be there.

Wait, I thought her name was Shanandra?

Shut yo' fool mouth!
I'm hungry.... yeah, hehehe snack time!






*ring*

*ring*


*ring*


Punk ass kids not answerin' the phone!
Stop picking yo' face in the bathroom...


*ring*






About time you picked up!
Sheeit... this is Domino's right?
You still deliver? Damn right you do.

Tell 'em not to forget the motherfucking breadsticks this time!





Okay.
Shit head, that's right, 30 minutes or it's free. And don't forget the sticks, yo.
We're watching...

Yeah, and listening....


hehehehehehheheheeeee



So, what do you think Shanadrika is up to?

Who?

You know... the one with the fantastics? hehehe

Let's check.


*click*