Eat My Dust!

*ring ring*



'Shit man, pick up man, shit fuckin' shit!'


*ring ring*



'Ya Hello you've reached (singing) Lester Lester Vo Vester Banana Fanna Fo Fester Mee My Mo Mester... Lester.'





'Lester, it's me Gabe. Dude you didn't take any of that shit we bought off of Marcy yet, did you?'




'I had a a couple of stems and a few caps like twenty minutes ago. Why do you ask young Gabriel my travelling companion?'





'I ate half of mine with some Doritos and I've got a bad feeling... Shit's getting weird.'





Oh, Doritos, yeah, to kill that crap taste. That's smart. Mine tasted like I was felching a cow. I still can't believe we paid 400 dollars for stuff that grows in their shit.
*snorty laughter*

'Wow. I shit you not right now my remote control just got up and is crawling around like a big roach. It's Weird City.'




'Neverfuckingmind that, Lester. I think the mushrooms were laced or dusted with something, man. I'm starting to really freak out here. How much did you take?'





'I skipped breakfast so I got hungry and ate a few. Maybe, like, three or four.... fourteen. Yeah, it was definitely fourteen. I remember cause that was how many I had all together. Check this. I'm watching the fucking Little Rascals, right now. It works on so many levels, man. I fucking dig Spanky man, he is the balls man. Love him. I FUCKING LOVE YOU SPANKY! WOOO!'





'Less... You ate the your whole fucking bag?! I'm gonna call Marcy. Don't leave your house.'

*click*



*ring ring*





'Marcy here, how's it hanging, puppy dog?'




'Marcy, listen it's Gabe. Those schrooms you sold us were fucking tainted. Lester ate his whole bag and I had some too. I'm freaking out here. What the fuck was in those?!'





'Gabriel, my man, settle your ass down there, pencil dick.'




'My face is starting to look all fucking fucked-looking. Like, lizard scales and distorted. It's not a happy floaty feeling like you said, Marcy. It's fucking scary. I'm freaking out. Shhhhssshhh! I think there's something watching me from behind my mirror.'





'Whoa, whoa. Ease up. This shit's gonna pass. Trust me this is your little sister talking. Just relax. Have a glass of milk to settle your stomach and enjoy the trip. Don't fight it, you have to go with the flow, bro.'





'You sure. Cause it looks like the flesh on my hands is starting to flake off. Is that part of the flow?'





'Um.... Have some chocolate milk. I'm gonna make a quick call and ring you right back, okay?'




'Okay, but hurry cause the phone is starting to melt a little bit.'





'Um... Okaaay, just try and relax big bro.'



*ring ring*




*ring ring*





'Ging- gang-gong you can suck Maurice's hairy schlong. Wha- Who the fuck is this?'





'It's Marcy. Listen up douche bag. What the fuck was in that batch of Schrooms you sold me?!'





Dag it. Jesus, sweet thing. I'm a god damn business man. I gave you prime fucking shit. Those were Hawaii's finest magic mushrooms. I swearz. Motherfuckin' Beagle Scout's honor n' shit.

What are you wearin right now?'






'Don't piss on my leg and tell me that it's raining, you white trash junkie fuckstain. You tell me what was in there.'





'I don't know why you're getting upset Marcy babes. I gave you a sweet deal and I didn't even charge you nuthing' extra cuz I'm sweet on you. I mean that shit was potent. Plus that big ass bag of motherfucking fungus had motherfucking sentimetal value motherfucker. That was coated something fierce in Angle Dust and Mescaline. That was the last thing my uncle ate before he accidentally fell off the roof wearing that homemade birdsuit. It's all I have to remember him by. You know except for the birdsuit. But that shit don't flatter my skin tone.'



'SHUT IT, Maurice! I suggest that you find somebody to feed your fucking cat because when I find you you're not going to be around to do it. When they do your autopsy they're going to find shards of your teeth and skull buried up your ass.'

*click*



*ring ring*



*ring ring*



'Gabe, are you there?'




'Hey Marcy, thank God it's you. Things were getting really insane. I was really losing it bad for a while. The fucking stereo tried to bite me! But now I'm taking breaths again and just keeping calm by looking at myself in the mirror.

*deep breath* It's really quite soothing.'





'...Yeah. Good. That's good Gabe. You're a good boy. Listen, I'm gonna drive over there as fast as I -- as soon as I can. There's no problem all is well. Do you think you can force yourself to gag and vomit?!'




'I guess so. Why? Is something wrong?'





'Not at all. Just as long and you can induce vomiting. Understand. Now it was just you and Lester that ate the stuff right? Good. I'm gonna hang up. Don't forget you have to drink some castor oil or anything so you can puke some of that shit out of your system. No knives, and stay off the roof. See you soon.'




'Okay. Bye, Marcy. I love you. *click*

Hello. Wait Marcy. I forgot I did gave a half ounce to Mom and her boyfriend Earl. Marcy? I better call them. Fuck, what letters do I dial? Cool numbers, even better. Okay speed dial. Here we go.'


*ring ring*



*ring ring*








*rrring rrrrring*







*rrrrrrriiing rrrrriiiinnngg*



*blllrrrriiiinnnnngggggggg glblurglurblurllllrrrriiiiiiiiiggggggg*




'Hellllloooooo... Stark residence.'



'Oh Mom. Thank God! Are you okay?!'





Of course Gabes, it's just me and Earl and the baby. We're all relaxing.
(covers phone, to baby) Sweetie, stay away from those giant slugs on the wall. I don't want you to dirty your new pajamas. Gabe honey, I have to go, we're being summoned to a swirling portal. Momma loves you. Bye sugar bugar.'

*click*



'Wait!... Hello?! Hello?!! Mom, what baby? You don't have a baby.

Oh shit, Lester, I gotta call Lester back he ate his whole bag. Find your hand then find your finger and dial the number. Nice and easy.'

*dials*





*ring ring*

'Jeez, Lester where are you man? Pick up.'


*ring ring*





*ring ring*




'Hello, this is the Sherriff!'


*HIDEOUS SHRIEKS and SCREAMS*




'AAHHHHHHHHHH!' WHAT THE HELL! Dude. Who is this? You almost scared me to death.'




'Death? I think you're right. I think she's going to kill me, man. HELP ME, LESTER! '

*rapid breathing*

'Lester, I think she's gone now man. She was just at the window. She must be trying to get in. Her eyes. I saw her eyes. Her eyes were dead, man. I saw pure evil behind her eyes. Hold on, I'm gonna look out the window.'



'Okay, I don't see her out there now.'




'I'm gonna go get a knife from the kitchen before she can get me. Lester, she wants to eat my soul, man! I need to get to the top of the pyramid and release the dove to the Sun God. It's the only way.'

*manic running up stairs*







'I made it. I'm on the very top of the pyramid now. I'm going to release my life blood and essence and pour it into the dove. I won't let that witch-devil devoure my eternal SOUL!'

*SHRIEK OF PAIN*

'You'll never get me you banshee of Lucifer! I leap off this pyramid and the Dove will carry my soul.'

*Hollow thuds of heavy footsteps on a roof.*




'Ow, it's blood. There's so much blood. I've never seen so much blood. I think it's my blood.'

*CHILLING SCREAM*

*Leaping*

*A final extended SCREAM that ends in a...*

*THUD*





'Dude, there's no Lester here. I think maybe you dialed the wrong number. Also. No offense, or anything, but I'm trying to kick back with my bong... and you're sending out kind of a negative vibe.' You know?....Hello?...'



*Doorbell*



'...Anyway, I gotta go. Sounds like my pizza's here.'
*click*